The vocation? A long process, like brewing…
If I were a beer then today I would be a mix of different ingredients: a willingness to serve, a certain amount of humility, playfulness, listening skills, creativity, richness of cultural diversity, shyness and a bit of laziness. I would add some music, the desire to be in God’s presence, silence, love of nature, the hills and forests of Göcsej in Hungary, the Baltic Sea, the Vistula River and the pleasure of living in a big community and a big family.
However from 2007 until September 2019 the mixture was decidedly different.I was a religion teacher, social worker, human resources analyst. I met Ignatian spirituality in 2014, when I attended a prayer group in the Hungarian Jesuit cultural centre. But like brewing, my journey has been a long process. In 2016 I had just returned from Estonia, where I had worked for two years, and to meet new people I decided to celebrate New Year’s Eve with young people in the Jesuit parish. During the night, one of the first moments of the New Year, while I was talking with a girl, I saw my whole life go by like a movie and I felt a clear feeling: all the things that had happened until that moment had happened for me to become a Jesuit. A perception, however, accompanied by many questions. In particular, I had a great desire to live in a family. In the following months I prayed and worked a lot on this feeling. After a vocational retreat I found a certain tranquillity and continued with more depth in prayer and research.In the summer I was thinking of beginning a year of discernment with the Jesuits. It was September 2017. In the summer I was happy because I strongly desired living in community with other people and sharing the journey of discernment. But at the end, during a moment of prayer, I heard another voice: “I would not want you to carry a burden that you cannot”. So I decided not to start. It was the year of no, for many initiatives and projects at stake.
Fundamental was the meeting with the INIGO group that works for and with young people. Many times with them I went to help in schools for retreats. In May 2018 I was invited to join the group as a pastoral assistant. A great gift because I was able to see and live the life of the Jesuits. That summer with the Sisters of the Sacred Heart I took part in the pilgrimage and the MAGIS festival in France for 10 days:. meeting many young Sisters and a young man who was preparing for the Jesuit novitiate. I felt in great harmony with them, in the right place. Returning to Hungary I talked about my experiences with my spiritual guide and finally after many prayers and listening to a homily on the day of Mary’s Assumption I decided to begin the year of discernment, the year Montserrat: 10 months next to a community of Jesuits experiencing their generosity and that of God. After two retreats and a strong inner battle, with Mary’s help, the time of grace arrived where I could entrust myself and let myself be guided by God. That Holy Thursday I decided to ask for my affiliation to the Society of Jesus.
Now in the novitiate I am preparing a new bottle of beer with a prevailing taste: that of letting myself be guided by Jesus and making room for Him.