THE COURAGE TO RISK

If some three or four years ago, someone would have told me that I would enter the Novitiate of the Society of Jesus, surely I would have answered: “Are you crazy? Rather, I will be a very good Franciscan!” But let’s go in order! My adventure begins 27 years ago. An only child, when I was born, I was small and frail health wise but already full of life and eager to face with courage the challenges that would arise. I was a lively and very communicative child. The environment of the countryside where I lived my childhood was ideal for discovering a world in which everything comes to life and becomes humanised in my eyes. Without realising it, the horse becomes my favourite animal. Horse riding ignites in me a desire to broaden my horizons and to travel around the world. Growing up in a Christian family, my mother’s example was fundamental in my prayer life, in my studies and to live. Being close to Church influenced my choice to go to the Franciscan high school in Roman.

Here, the imaginary world of the countryside dissolves and embraces the reality of the city, in which I arrive without a horse but in a car. My dream of discovering the universe begins here, where for the very first time I experienced the profoundness of the Word of God’s. Eventually I begin to feel the call of the Lord to consecrated life stronger, but held back due to the doubts and fears which are typical for an 18-year-old youth. “Who am I? What is the meaning of my life? “: These were my concerns. Although not fully convinced, I enter the Franciscan Postulancy. And in fact after a couple of months I left, sure that I would never return to religious life. I throw myself with enthusiasm into a new world, dreaming of a career as a psychologist. In the meantime I work in a woodworking shop to earn enough money to cover my studies.

Three unexpected events lead me to completely change perspective. The first was a drunk person at the discotheque. Without knowing anything about me he started the conversation with these words: “Listen, the psychologist takes money but the priest does not”. These words moved my soul profoundly. The second event happened in the same discotheque. At one moment I asked myself: “What am I looking for here? I can give more, I can do more”. A thunderbolt from the sky hit me. The third episode occurs during the Eucharistic Celebration together with the children: “You have freely received, freely give”. Yes! These words made me see my true desire: to give my life for free, because the most beautiful thing I can give, is my life.

Thus I resume the journey towards consecrated life with a new spirit. I start with great enthusiasm to discover deeper the charisma of St. Francis of Assisi. And at the same time I throw myself into philosophical research. For 3 years, philosophy helped me to mature and made me aware of how wonderful the human life is. Like a madman, I immediately fall in love with some books, first of all “The Confessions” of St. Augustine, which help me to focus on various aspects of my life. Then came the time to ask for the entrance into the Franciscan Novitiate, sure that I would enter in the Order. But this did not happen. After this failure, I decide to do the Spiritual Exercises. With the help of a Franciscan Father, I find a retreat in Ghimeş, precisely with the Jesuits. Without knowing anything about St. Ignatius of Loyola or the Society of Jesus in Romania, the desire to know this charisma better was born in me. I did the eight day retreat and ask to become a candidate for the Novitiate.

During a two year period of candidacy, I have the opportunity to experiment in the communities in Cluj, in Bucharest and in different social experiences. In this period I realised that the desire to widen the horizons I had as a child becomes possible in the encounter with the Society of Jesus. The journey towards a larger universe continues with my arrival in the Novitiate in Genoa. This time I did not arrive by horse or by car, but by plane …