An unexpected conversation

A page from my diary

25th January 2014: a rainy afternoon during winter in Rome.

Accompanied by a friend of mine from the Pio Romeno Pontifical College, I went to speak with a Jesuit, one of my friend’s professors. My intention was to undertake a month of the Spiritual Exercises to understand where I was exactly with my life choices, with my desire to be a priest and a musician. I had been feeling disoriented for some time. I felt the need to rediscover the path I needed to take. The meeting with the Jesuit priest was a bolt from the blue: after talking about my life and the Spiritual Exercises which I had done more than ten years prior – a very powerful experience, but without a firm decision – he asked me to do the month of Exercises immediately, saying: “Late vocations don’t exist, only late replies…”. Taken aback, my answer was ‘no’, but I could not forget his words. They kept questioning me more and more, but fought against my resistance and my fears: “I can’t possibly think about it, I wouldn’t be suitable for such a journey, I’d never be accepted by the Jesuits in a vocational programme, it’s not worth it anyway…” etc.

Despite everything I felt the desire to do the Spiritual Exercises: so I spoke with my confessor – also a Jesuit! – who offered to guide me through the Spiritual Exercises in Everyday Life, since time did not permit me to do the Ignatian month of Exercises. The Exercises immediately offered me the chance to seriously examine and work on all aspects of my life, and to begin to read the signs of the times with patience and trust. In a context in which my Archbishop kept postponing the day of my ordination and my post-graduate studies in musical composition – in which I had taken refuge – seemed never-ending, the Exercises showed me the magis for my life: to dare to risk. With such a challenge ahead, I began to be able to see the good received and especially how important others’ example is in my life, especially regarding faith. I remember with joy the presence – sometimes silent – of another Jesuit father who accompanied me during my studies in Rome: an example of humanity, availability and courage. I realised that I had met several Jesuits and that my experience with them had not left me indifferent. Great peace came over me and my heart become available: I expressed for the first time my desire to become a Jesuit, yes , I was “ready to take a leap”.

June 29, 2014: Viboldone, a Benedictine abbey near Milan.

During the Mass, the responsorial psalm moved me deeply, not so much because of the melody sung with care and devotion by the nuns, as for the text of Psalm 33 which resonated with my life: “The Lord has freed me from all fear”, a moment of great peace and consolation. Returning to Romania I began the vocational path as a candidate for the Society, participating in various activities of the Romanian Jesuits: Spiritual Exercises in the mountains, a meeting for Ignatian youth (Magis), volunteering with the poor and with refugees. And in the meantime I concluded my post-graduate degree in composition. At my final exam, someone asked me: “Why do you go to them? The Jesuit does not sing…” These are the moments of light and trial, of meetings and renunciations, which led me to my admission in the novitiate by the regional superior of Romania.

1 October 2016: Together with a fellow Romanian, I arrived in Genoa in the Novitiate of the Society of Jesus, to begin the much desired adventure: an adventure for me and for others … and when I think that everything started from a simple, but providential interview…